I never pictured myself getting a divorce when I walked down the aisle 16 years ago. We were madly in love, but life got complicated. Stress impacted us differently and changed who we were as individuals. When I got a divorce, I thought it was the end of my world.
It’s been many years since our divorce case began and ended. Nothing about it was easy, but so many good things came from the experience. I hope these positives of divorce comfort you and help you look forward to a much brighter future than you might expect.
1. You’ll Gain More Daily Positivity
Toxic marriages drain the joy from your life. I was almost always on edge, waiting for the next argument or disappointment. The first big love of my life was also gone. We weren’t expressing love for each other because it had burnt out while we dealt with our life differently.
When you finally have time to yourself, you’ll gain the space you need to grieve and heal. Your mental health recovery is something to cherish, no matter what got you to your divorce.
2. You’ll Get a Fresh Slate
I knew who I was as a married person. I had jobs to do as a partner and a parent, but half of that identity washed away with the divorce proceedings. Realizing I had a fresh slate was intimidating but ultimately rewarding.
With my newly freed time and energy, I got to decide who I was outside of a shared last name. It’s not an uncommon experience for older individuals like myself, either. Reading accounts like mine will help you feel less alone and more encouraged to use this new chapter of your life to craft your individual identity.
3. You’ll Create a New Routine
Losing my old routine was so strange. I didn’t have to care for anyone but myself and two of our kids living at home. Little joys started popping up, like sleeping on whichever side of the bed I wanted. I felt unleashed when I began making meals that interested me and doing activities I liked.
You’ll make a new routine, too. Each day brings new opportunities to do something different. See what you like and don’t like to create a future where you live as your best self.
4. You’ll Lose a Few Bills
Divorce isn’t cheap. While many divorces cost a median of $7,000, the final price depends on where you live, which lawyers you get and how long the legal proceedings take.
At the same time, you’ll lose a few monthly bills and potentially earn financial support. I don’t have to pay for the subscription services my former partner wanted or have them on my phone plan. I also get child support, but you could gain spousal support at 40% of your income difference if you and your partner don’t have kids.
The difference may not put you in the green right away, but the change in your financial situation could help you find more monthly peace. Use the extra dollars you get with one less person in the house to support your new interests and routine.
5. You’ll Give Your Children Peace
Don’t get me wrong — divorce is hard for everyone involved. Your kids may need time to adjust and process the change in their lives, but ultimately, they’ll gain a happier home. They won’t come home to a house full of tension and bitterness. If your ex was more than toxic, your kids will also feel safer.
I didn’t expect co-parenting to be as good as it has been. My former partner was not a bad person or parent. I decided to hold my tongue when I wanted to say bitter, petty things about them in front of my kids. Ultimately, I gained extra patience that extended to all things single parenting. It’s another way our household has more peace since letting go of a marriage that hadn’t worked for some time.
6. You’ll Have More Energy
Emotional energy is a real thing that I didn’t know I had. I thought I was always tired from my old routine, but negative emotions were changing my body. Stress makes your brain work differently, which reduces your energy and even influences your risk of developing diseases.
Now that you no longer have to fight the same battles every day, you’ll gain more energy because your baseline stress level will be much lower. Use that restored energy to do things you love, find what you’re passionate about and even heal in individual therapy.
Look Forward to Your Future
Divorce isn’t the end of your world. You’re gaining so many good things by going through this. Even if it hurts, trust that you’re making a happier future for yourself and your family. These things are just the start of what you could experience in this next portion of your life.
