Twelve Things To Not Say Or Do On A First Date


We are all guilty of letting nerves get the better of us and letting our words fly out without giving them much consideration.  People that know me know that I have no filter.  If I think something then it’s more than likely going to come out of my mouth.


I don't like to think before I speak

It’s a good idea to have a little think before we let our words take us on a surprise mystery tour to who-knows-where-ville.  Avoid obvious faux pas by following our simple guide of what not to do or say.


What Not To Say

? “Oh, do you want me to hang on so you can get changed?” – Don’t assume he/she isn’t already dressed in his or her most treasured finery ?

?  Don’t ask your date to pull your finger!  You’re not five.  It’s not nice.  No one likes poo particles assaulting their nostrils ?

? “Well, when I used to be a man…” – Unless this is pre-arranged and your date knows about your appendage or lack of, don’t say this ?

⚖️  “You look slightly different from your profile picture.  Have you ever considered losing a few pounds?” – No.  Don’t say this.  Go big, or go home ⚖️

?  “Do you like pets?  I have crabs” – Again, go home.  I think head lice lotion may help you here, do check the label first though, eh? ?

? Make your date feel like the grass isn’t greener – Do not oogle other people whilst you’re on your date ?

?  Don’t spill all of your secrets – This is a date, not a confessional booth! ?

?  Don’t tell lies.  No one is going to believe you’re Simon Cowell and SuBo’s love child – You’re too old for a start ?

?  Don’t scratch your googly-gangles – Keep your hands out of your strides ?

?  “Lovely to meet you.  I’ve ordered you a burger” – Let your date make their own decision on what food they want.  You must not come across as a feeder ?

?  Don’t go on your date with unrealistic expectations – Stick to a peck on the cheek or avocado (‘ave a cuddle).  If you’re looking for something more, try an adult dating website ?

?  Don’t tell your date, they remind you of their parent – Freud may have been groundbreaking in his time, but his mother theories are a bit off piste ?



In order to get to the first date stage, there are some great sites if you’re looking to meet someone.  For example, Glasgow dating. Further South there is Yorkshire Dating or further south again Surrey Dating.  This is a great one if you’re looking for a more mature date, Over 50s Dating Wiltshire.


Not every date is going to be perfect, but the important thing is to be respectful and to have a lovely time.  Kiss lots of frogs and don’t be in a hurry.


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3 replies on “Twelve Things To Not Say Or Do On A First Date”
  1. I’m happily married and never really got into dating because I’ve known my husband since we were kids but some of these are hilarious! I can imagine it’s so easy to come out with some absolute nonsense when you’re nervous, I do this when I’m meeting new people, it doesn’t even have to be a date! x

  2. says: Lucy Clarke

    These are funny! The first one, hahahah. I can’t imagine there are actually people that say these kinds of things, but then I remember some things that come out of my mouth sometimes…!

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